Falling Away From Me

[anxious_heart]

hey, I'm feeling tired
my time has come today
   i flirt with suicide
sometimes that's ok
  you won't ever say
I'm here, standing hollow
falling away from me
falling away from me


day is here fading
that's when I'm insane
I flirt with suicide
sometimes kill the pain
I can always say
'It's gonna be better tomorrow'
falling away from me
falling away from me

beating me down
beating me, beating me down
 down
into the ground

screaming so sound
beating me, beating me down
down
into the ground

(falling away from me).
It's spinning round and round.
(falling away from me).
It's lost and can't be found.
(falling away from me).
It's spinning round and round.
(falling away from me).
  throw it down.

beating me down
beating me, beating me down
 down
into the ground

screaming so sound
beating me, beating me down
down
into the ground

twisting me
they won't go away
so I break away

life's falling away from me
It's falling away from me
life's falling away from me.

Fuck!

beating me down
beating me, beating me down
 down
into the ground

screaming so sound
beating me, beating me down
down
into the ground

Mmm, ever since the days this spoke to me I've had some strange infatuation with darkness. Partially to blame would be the obvious reasons which are: anger, depression, anxiety and so on. I had a lot of problems with my family and stupid things I experienced as a child that I shouldn't have.. and at the age I was exposed to sounds like this I was also exposed to how vile and disgusting life could really be. It was the time that the world took me and beat the innocense out of me, and I quickly became a tainted and rather awkward child.

I contemplated suicide a lot when I was too  young to understand the effects it would have on things around me, let alone the obvious I wouldn't be around anymore. That, I didn't care about. It was just that fatal experience. I was mysteriously intrigued by it. Ha. The first time I considered an attempt, I was only 8 years old, but that was years before I became as tainted and dirty as I am now.

Darkness became my companion. I did everything in and with it. I think that's part of what made me so .. I don't even know a term for what I'd call what I was then. Somehow, it gave me strength at the same time. I felt some kind of power by dwelling inside of it. Being surrounded and almost engulfed in it, I felt like nothing and no one could hurt me, and that's how things were.

Life gave me a glimpse of what hell is like, and instead of looking for a light to guide me, I embraced the darkness around me. Oddly enough, the thing most people are constantly trying to get out of saved my life. To this day, no matter what this world attacks me with, I use that same power to push through. It'll knock me down, and I'll scream and shout and claw my way through anyway I can.

Death can't have me yet, and neither can defeat.