Anxious Heart

This one is easy. "Anxious Hearts" by Nobuo Uematsu. This song perfectly wraps up the calamity always going on in my head.

It may be confusing as to why I would choose a song that has no lyrics. Music is not about that for me. It's about the way it makes me feel. It's about the way I connect to it. It's about the thoughts and emotions the overall sound of music evokes. That's why I listen to music from other parts of the world that have lyrics in languages I don't speak (Dir en Grey, some Ill Nino, etc). When I feel this song, there's an audible sense of myself flowing through me..

It sounds really sad, cold, and lonely. It almost sounds like a tragedy. There's a very mysterious tone to it as well. There's no telling what happened, just like there's never really any telling what I could be thinking about or what I could be feeling at any given moment. It reminds me of the isolation I find myself in, willingly and unwillingly at the same time. I think of the things I need to overcome to get to where I want to be in life. I remember what it means to fight the good fight with myself so I can be the person I want to be..

There is so much hope in these sounds. I've experienced so many once in a lifetime things and I'm still alive. I still have more to strive for. There are things I need to do not only for myself, but for others that believe in me and I in them. It sounds like the very will to live in the face of adversity. It reminds me of staring death in the face and saying "No, you can't take me yet..."

The most powerful feeling I get is peace. It knocks me out before it's over almost everytime I listen to it at night. Through it all, I am happy with who I am and where I'm going. I'll always want more and to be better, but I can take pride in the virtues I represent and the vow I made to myself to stick to them no matter what.

In the end, it doesn't matter what I'm up against. It doesn't matter how depressed I get sometimes. It doesn't matter if I feel alone or isolated. I'm going to make it. I'm going to get everything I deserve one day. One day, I'll be completely satisfied with myself .. and I'll still want more. Only, I won't want it for me, I'll only want it for the next generation that will carry my flame into the future.

That's what I hear when I listen to this song.